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News For Session 4

Underlings Union Picking Up Steam

The Underlings Union, based at The Club in Harmony, has become more widely discussed in the press and amongst Underlings. From meeting to cleanse the lava flow from an Egomaniac's volcano lair, to breaks between chanting to summon Otherworldly beings, the whispered word is that the UU might be worth checking out. Reports from Harmony are that several dozen people have arrived early, the day before the meeting, to claim the designated Underlings accommodation near The Club. Journalists are expecting attendees to be in the high double-figures, making this the most varied gathering of Underlings on record, as they appear to be from all corners of the world. But what does this mean for the Villains for whom The Club previously solely served?

Museum Forced to Close in Health Scare!

The Abizyl Shipwreck and Maritime Museum has been forced to close by the authorities this week, due to a rumoured infestation of cockroaches. The museum, purportedly owned by minor villain The Archivist, houses a collection of relics and records of Abizyl's notoriously high population of mysteriously vanished ships. Neither Abizyl Health Department nor the Archivist could be reached for comment.

The Celestial Hospital

Astonishing news from The Quiverwoods: one of the most notorious Villains, the Countess Estella dell'Æmoglobina, has established a free hospital1), and more, a series of medically-trained wagon drivers is transporting the injured and sick to this novel establishment in what some are calling an 'ambulance service'. The residents of the Quiverwoods are experiencing medical treatment both for free and without being experimented upon - unheard of! It's named after some lady who's famous over there. Celebrity endorsement and it even had an opening ceremony. What, are they modelling themselves after Epicentre now? *laughter*

Glassworker High Speed Death

“Shocking scenes today as a transport technician for Abizyl Glass is killed during a high speed chase. An anonymous viewer sent in this video, we have blurred some parts but those of a sensitive disposition should look away now.”

A video plays of a high speed chase smashing through glass, there is rapid gunfire and a lot of screaming as the image is blurred over a fallen figure. The faces are blurred but voices are heard and subtitles reading “####! ####! Get rid of him! Toss him in the alley and grab his ID they can't know he was with us, the news will crucify the company, Gods ##### stop screaming! I'll get you fired! Do it now before they come back!” The camera then focuses on the figure shouting at the sobbing worker getting into a truck marked with “Abizyl Glass”.

The Glassworker Union leader has this to say: “We are very sorry to the family of this poor individual, who we understand from co-workers had been brought on that day with no proper training in safe practice to help strangle our strike. We are striking against the horrible situations and unsafe practices that make risks of what has happened today a daily occurrence for our fellow workers.”

Abizyl Glass CEO Jeffrey Davies has yet to comment.

Dragon Raiding Parties

Following the recent dragon sightings, there have been a couple of reports of individuals being picked off and eaten here and there. Whether this is a sign of escalating attacks is yet to be seen.

Experts recommend staying indoors, and avoiding carrying large piles of shiny things.

Calls to officials to provide opaque burlap sacks to carry piles of treasure around have been met with silence. Do they not care about our plight? More on this story as it unfolds.

Spate of Window-Breaking!

In Central, Harmony, and Epicentre, there's a rise in house insurance prices with regards to number of windows on properties. Glassworking factories are rubbing their hands. What manner of glass is threatened next? Are drinking vessels next in line? Glassblowers are hoping so.

Coming Soon...

Are you a villain looking for some reliable assistance? Are you an underling looking for some help with your duties? Now available for pre-order, the Self Automated Network Assistant (SANA) unit from Argon Industries. Able to be customised to your specifications for operation anywhere in Nequam, and to seamlessly integrate into existing teams thanks to our patented Cultural Assimilation unit. Create the underling of your dreams and your enemies' nightmares, with emotional responses and accessories tailored to your specifications.

Our units have been in beta testing with select partners over the past few months, and have received unanimous positive feedback - with 9/10 villains agreeing that a SANA could replace some or all of their existing underlings, at a fraction of the ongoing maintenance cost. Enquire today, to receive your order in 1-3 months.

Coming Slightly Later...

Here at Discrete Enabling, we've been helping villains for over 50 years, with whatever they desire. As part of our ongoing commitment to ensuring any villain in Nequam can do whatever they want, whenever they want, we are pleased to announce the Discrete Enablement Servitor - or DES. Des can provide assistance in all areas of your operation, from administration, research, and construction, through to base defence, ritual magic, and combat operations. Unlike products from certain other companies we can't name due to ongoing legal proceedings, DES contains no monitoring software to report back to us about your every move and plan, and is guaranteed not to contain any highly destructive fail-safes. We don't need to spy on your plans, we're probably already helping you with them.

Get in touch today, and we expect to start shipping orders within 6 weeks.

1)
some rumours clarify that this has been in fact constructed by her Underlings Ashton Norwood and Althea Linden
news/3.txt · Last modified: 2024/09/10 16:34 by gm_amy