UNDERLINGS

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======Tiffany Taylor=====

=====Internal Investigations=====

The office is dark and dingy, lit only by the glaring radiance of a neon sign on the building opposite, filtered through the smoke of a cigar that's perched artfully in a tar-stained ash tray.  The faint sound of saxophone music plays in the background, as a voice speaks over the scene.

"I knew the dame was trouble first I'd heard of her - huge fangs, turning into a bat, draining anyone who comes too close of their blood, all the hallmarks of some bad news.  So it didn't come as a surprise when I heard that Countess Estella had kidnapped someone - or worse.  But what didn't make sense was that she did it in a Union safehouse - a place so secret that no villain should have been able to find it."

A file is dropped on the desk - a pin placed in a map, with a blood red ribbon running from the safehouse location to a picture of Countess Estella (with a picture of a long cigarette holder hastily glued to it to add to the ambience).

"My investigations had got me nowhere - no-one seemed to have any idea how the Countess found the place, aside from one person."

The scene shifts, the words "DRAMATIC RECONSTRUCTION" appearing at the bottom as a claymation simulacra of Tiffany (kitted out in a sharp suit and fedora) leans over a desk made from a matchbox, and questions Diana (who sits under the glare of a bright anglepoise lamp).

----

//"You were the last one to see Celeste - any idea how your vampyric mistress found her way there?"// squeaks the play-dough PI.

//"No idea"// Diana shrugs.  //"She must have followed me there and waited until I left."//

//"Any idea where Celeste is now? Any clues?"// 

//"I’m afraid I don’t have any idea where Celeste could be if she is not in the safe house. I asked if she wanted to go somewhere else but she said she was happy staying at the safe house. The only other people she mentioned were friends at the bakery and elderly people at the park. She has also befriended some crows which had been bringing her gifts."// Diana replies, smooth under Tiffany's interrogation (aside from the fingerprints left as part of the animation).

----

The scene shifts back to the desk, a picture of Diana added to the growing conspiracy board.

"That was the break I needed - Diana said there were no clues, lied straight to my face.  She'd already told another associate of mine -" A stuffed toy of a puppy is placed on the board, labelled //anonymous informant// "-that she'd seen Celeste's golden scarf in the Countess' Castle, so why would she leave that out now?"

"I had one other lead to follow - going to talk to the crows and find out what they know - but if I was going to venture into the woods I'd need protection."

Another bit of paper is added to the file - a receipt from Giovanni's Pizza and Pasta for a large order of garlic bread, spaghetti aglio e olio, and pizza marinara with extra garlic butter sauce.

---

The image on the screen flickers out as one of the Union committee hits the button on the projector.

"Tiffany, you know you can just give us a standard report? Like, we'll happily look at something written down, on paper, in bullet points.  I think I see where you're going with this, but could you summarise?"

"Right, yeah, Diana totally led Countess Estella to the safehouse with Celeste in it - and this isn't a kidnapping investigation, it's a murder. The body was strung up in some kind of trophy room."

There's an appropriately dramatic gasp at that revelation from the Union's secretary.

Tiffany rattles off a summary. "Evidence suggests she did so willingly, not from any unavoidable compulsion from her villain, and lied to us repeatedly during the investigation, so that puts her in contravention of Rule 5, paragraph 7, and indirectly paragraph 2, as well as more general issues surrounding exposing a safehouse.  Given that, I recommend her expulsion from the Union.  All the details are in the souvenir programme - I mean case file."

Tiffany hands out a set of glossy pamhplets, each bearing a dimly lit picture of Tiffany in a suit and fedora, and the title of "The Vampire Queen's Lover - A Detec-Tiff Mystery <fs small>and crime report</fs>"

=====If a Job's Worth Doing, It's Worth Rewarding=====

Ms Taylor,

In recognition of your diligent work over the years, The Board have approved your promotion to Head of External Affairs, effective as soon as you choose to accept.  The duties of this role will involve any action The Board wishes done or anything that The Board wishes to investigate or explore which does not fall within my own remit as head of internal affairs, or within cordial relationships with other businesses in Central.

The Board recognises that reporting requirements for your activities are often set aside in favour of your other duties, so they have approved the hiring of an assistant who will diligently record your operations.  Your new External Affairs Assistant, SANA Cope, has been hired based on her proven ability to record and recall all relevant information, and an appreciation for those of your previous case reports that have been publicly released in the "Detec-Tiff sagas" which suggests that she would be well suited to create reports according to your preferences.

As always, Conch Enterprises thanks you for your hard work over the years, and we look forward to continuing this arrangement in future.

Regards,

Camilla,

Head of Internal Affairs,

Conch Enterprises

=====Castles and Chimeras=====

"Alright folks, time for a new game, which is in no way a cover for a complex plan to take down a powerful villain."

"Your party stands before the dread castle of the vampire queen Alluna - wanted for her crimes against the forces of Unity and her unwarranted attacks on their safe havens.  So far, she doesn't know you're coming, as you've disguised your plotting as a purely fictional tabletop game that your characters are playing with each other, so you can play in taverns right on the borders of her lands and she's none the wiser.  After a hearty feast of garlic, enough to buy you some time should you be discovered, it's time to strike."

"The castle awaits, what do you do?"